Let's Talk with Leaha & Rhonda

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system of higher education.

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Music

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Hi, this is Leah Crawford.

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And I'm Rhonda Nolan. Welcome to the Let's Talk with Leah and Rhonda show.

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We're here for you and we're ready to go.

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Let's do it. Hey, good morning Las Vegas. It is Saturday morning. It is Saturday morning and my co-host is unable to be here with me today but that's okay because she left me in good hands. Today I have two very special guests. I've been talking about them guys for the past three months. They have a new book out. They are here live. I can't wait to talk to them. Welcome Jesse and Lisa to the Let's Talk with Leah and Rhonda show.

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Leah and Rhonda, we are happy to be here.

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Yes, we are.

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OK, so we always talk about, I'm going to jump right in this time because you guys have so much content.

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We have a few things.

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So much content. We always talk about being an entrepreneur and the personal development. And a lot of times, we don't do it because we're so busy working on the business and wonder why we hit these roadblocks. Working with you guys, I know for me the past, I think it's been three years now, I've watched me grow exponentially.

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And we have seen it as well. And when you say we have watched you grow, we would say that in a multifaceted realm. You haven't grown single-dimensional, I believe you've grown multi-dimensional okay multi okay

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I like it I'll take it I think I accept but I want to share this with other people because sometimes we don't know what we don't know or what we haven't been exposed to so new book came out it's very pretty guys it's yellow it's bright it's pretty how you leave them feeling but this is Jesse's tagline though. Because his first book I read, how you leave them feeling, how you leave them feeling. I'm like, what do you mean, how you leave them feeling? What was even the name of the book? Where did that come from?

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Well, that's a good question. I will say that, yes, that was originally, you could call it a mantra, you could call it a tagline, you could call it whatever. It could fit a couple categories. It was originally mine, but now it is ours. We'll talk about how it got to be ours. Now Lisa and I share that now, but where it came from is really a super short story. I was on a coaching session with a client and the client was a high level C-suite client, meaning CEO or CFO or one of those C letters. He was really having a rough time with one of his vice presidents. He was basically putting a chokehold on the guy. It wasn't going to serve anything. It was a bit obnoxious. I sought to try to jump in and help, but he kept interrupting me. After the second interruption, I decided, you know, I'm supposed to just listen here. He literally rattled for nearly 40 minutes. At the end of that 40 minutes, he says, are you still there? I said, yes. He says, well, what do you think? I said, if I think if you really want to create an incentive to get people to do what you want and need, it's all about how you leave them feeling. Like it just, it came down from, I had never had that thought before.

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Thank you.

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I need some bells and whistles.

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I need some bells.

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That's a moment.

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That's a moment.

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I had never had that thought before and it was something that I say came from way higher than myself and just kind of channeled through me. Then when I finished that session, I could not wait to get on the internet and find that book. That book has got to be out there because as smart as he is, as ingenious as he is, he's missing one of the most fundamental emotional intelligence pieces of how you leave others feeling. So I know the book's out there. Well, three hours looking into the internet, my neck had a crook in it. I couldn't find the book. I leaned back in my chair. I said, well, who can I get to write that book so that I can get that to my client? And I went through 15, 16, 17, 18, I said, okay, holy smokes, I'm supposed to write that book. Wow. And that's where it came from.

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That's where it came from. That's where the message came from. So I am sitting here holding a book and when it's funny because when people's, what they say can be backed up with the documentation. I'm holding one book that just says Jessie and I can pick up the other book that says Lisa and Jessie. So you can see the progression but just this concept of how you leave them feeling but then how you take it into different aspects of your life. So it's not just in the workforce.

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No not at all. Not at all. I totally agree with that. Like the first one, the blue book that you're showing, that cover, is the second edition from the first one where we upgraded it after the original publication. It was republished last year in 2022. And then Lisa and I, I'll toss the ball to Lisa, she'll tell you, I think it's really important for our listeners to hear why we would write another book. And we don't call this a series. Our son-in-law named it the universe, the How You Leave Them Feeling universe, because a series indicates that you have to read book one before you can read book two and book two and three before you can read book four. We're not going to write that way. You can read them in any order that you like. They're not in a sequence, so it's not a series. It's in the How You Leave Them Feeling universe. Lisa, please share why we, why it came to us to write the third book.

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Well let me interrupt real quick because the third book is How You Leave Them Feeling, your foundation for inspiring love and relationships. So this is different Lisa, I'm going to turn it over, give you control.

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And Lisa before we jump in, sorry, the main title, the How You Leave Them Feeling is the signature title and the subtitle will denote what that book is about.

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Oh this is about love y'all. Okay y'all, love and relationships. All right. Okay. Y'all ready?

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Okay. Well, when COVID hit, we had been told, you know, you guys, you know how to do it right. We want to model our relationship after yours. And, you know, you have systems, tools, and processes, and the world needs to hear about it. When COVID hit, people didn't know how to be together. You know, people had relationships that just existed because one person left the home and went to work And they only had to coexist for an hour or two a day if that So actually some friends of ours Scott and Paula said you guys you need to write this book The world needs they we need help now more than ever well

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They were over visiting we at least I have been tinkering on it anyway But we kind of hit a stop, but they were over just having a fun game night yeah and to Lisa's point they actually inspired us

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to write the book. Oh wow.

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And so there are things in there in fact one of my dearest friends was one of the first to read the book and she said I started reading the audio book and she goes shh don't tell anyone but I couldn't put it down I listened to it all the way through my work day because she said, my husband and I have been in marriage therapy for the last 10 years and this book has done more for us. This one book has done more for us than those 10 years of therapy.

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Well, what I can tell you, I know what it's done, but where can we get the book?

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Our favorite place for people to get it is from our website.

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Okay.

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That's www.justtalk.com. J-E-S-S-T-A-L-K.com. And then they'll go to resources on the right-hand side up at the top right side. It says resources, and then you just click books, and they can see the selection. Because that'll give us an opportunity to put a personal inscription in it and sign it. If they get it from other resources, because we're in other bookstores or on Amazon. We won't get to sign off on it. It comes straight from Amazon to them. And although if you're an

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audio reader it's on audible.com and like I said it is just a brief four-hour read and some people can consume their stuff that way. It's a four-hour read on

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normal speed. I tend to listen to my books. Some people can't do this. I double the speed. So if you were to not double it, go time and a half, one and a half, there's going to be less than a four hour read. So it just depends on your choice. But to Lisa's point, it'd be good if they're interested in the audible version of it, because now Lisa and I also did the narration of it. So they'll hear both of our voices, not just someone that we hired to do it.

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That's right. So there's more meaning behind it. We know where the inflection goes instead of somebody just reading it and read to the point you know that you want to put an exclamation mark on we know that better than anybody else so you can really you can you can feel it yeah you can feel

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and it's an ad-libbing as well because when a point was really hitting me or Lisa it's our rights we added additional things that are not in the printed book

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because it came to us by you yes while you were basically recording.

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Yes. Wow.

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Yeah, so it really was a wow moment. It was a wow experience and it was wonderful to get through that. But what Lisa and I wanted to bring to you too, and our listeners, is, you know, these books are about relationships.

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Okay.

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Okay? And there's something that I know you'll find this profoundly exciting, as do we. By the way, before I go any further, can anybody else hear music in their ears or is it just me? No, that's the background for the show.

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Okay, fair enough. Yes, yes, fair enough. So I'm going to pretend like I can't hear it. No, no, so you've got to pretend like it's... Okay, I just took those words back. Well, no, no, there you go. I love it, I love it. No, so we, I'm sorry I didn't give you that beforehand. We play jazz music underneath the talking. So we're grooving, we're grooving. Yes, so you can groove. No, come on, I got it, listen. I got music in my family, I'm all good with that. You got music in your ears.

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Yeah.

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Now that's amazing. But there's a concept that really, again, was just kind of dropped down on us. Something I had never thought about before. And so many people that are listening to this program, think about this. When you're in a relationship, when you've been in, think about some of your, more of your past relationships and even your current relationships. Oftentimes, the closer you are, the more intimate you are, the more you will tend to take those relationships for granted. Like a marriage, like a husband, a wife, like a father, a mother, a child, sister, a brother. Because you're sisters and brothers, you feel like you're going to always be that.

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Family. Family. Family.

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You feel like you're going to always be that.

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I can't do anything about it. She will always be my sister.

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Right. But the problem with that... You said that's a good one.

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The problem, not that problem, that's another problem.

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That's why God made friends.

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Exactly.

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Friends are God's gift to family.

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There you go.

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I love it.

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So that's a whole different subject. But on this particular one, we will do things to them that we would not do to anyone else. There are things we won't do for them that we'll do for many other people, if not anybody else, because we get so used to being comfortable with they're always going to be there.

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They're always going to be there.

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So we call that relationship comfort. Right. And we write about that in the book. Yes. And relationship comfort is, it's a double-edged sided blade, if you will. One side, in a soft way, will give you good things from the comfort you get from one another. But the other side, we get to take for granted sides. You don't do it on purpose But when relationship comfort when you were aware of it You need to give yourself a tap on the head say let me reset Because I'm not doing this for her and I would do this for almost anyone else I need to do this for her too

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It's so funny you say that because my family we just started having a family meeting once a month And at the last family meeting my sister has a way no one else I could be the calmest, I mean, just very easy. She can push some buttons.

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Right.

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Which is the opposite of how you leave them feeling.

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How you leave them feeling.

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Right. But she can push the buttons and then play the victim.

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Does she push them on purpose or not even on purpose?

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I don't believe she does it on purpose, but I just know that because we think alike in a whole lot of ways. So I, you know, you know how you know, I know where you're coming from. I've been dealing with you all of my life. I've seen, I've watched this movie. You know, we have an amazing relationship, but she, I mean, but we know each other. And sometimes you're right. I think we do take those relationships for granted.

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I see it all the time, all across all relationships. And the point of it is, it doesn't have to come off as a bad thing. The whole point of it is to draw an awareness that it exists.

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So let me ask you a personal question. How much time do you and Lisa actually spend together every day on average? We don't usually clock the

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time. I'll do my best to answer that. We spend most of the time together on a daily basis in the same space living both separately and together. Lisa has her own office in our home. I have my own office in our home. If I've got seven back-to-back sessions, I get to see Lisa for three to five to seven minutes on the breaks.

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But we do start our day with a walk. A walk and talk.

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And we close it with a walk as well.

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Yeah. We always make sure we have time together, no matter what.

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But when it's not a day packed with sessions, like this week or softer, we get to spend more time together. Plus, Lisa has a lot of, she's the vice president of marketing and a partner in the business. So she's out, you know, building a lot of relationships and shaking hands and kissing babies and doing all that stuff. So when she's doing that, sometimes I'm with her with that. Sometimes I'm not, but I would say we spend far more time with one another than most couples do.

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And that's what I was, and that's what y'all, you spend time together. So you guys, cause you guys are kind of in sync. You guys, you got to see this though they're kind of in sync with each other like in this is true it's magical this is magical and I don't see a lot of couples

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like that no and I think the reason is because we're not taught how to do that no we're not we're not taught we're not even taught how to be in relationships we typically learn from watching those before us and sometimes we have good

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examples and sometimes we don't and it's about agreements you know we do we have that we have house agreements how you want to live it here what are your three non-negotiables? Oh so what she's saying

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that house agreements is like in our book we write about that we call them house rules but we also some people don't like rules so we say you can use the terminology of agreement because it is an agreement. It is an agreement. But we call them house rules and we're okay with that and our rule is you have to have at least one and you cannot have more than three. Okay. And the house rules, whatever she tells me is her house rule. It's non-negotiable. It's not a negotiating perspective. She says, I need to have it this way. Okay. I understand. That's the way it is. Same thing. So, so you live in the house the way you would want to live in it, even if that other person wasn't there, it's just, they are there. Oh yeah. So, so those agreements and those rules, they create a synergy that would be missing. If Lisa didn't tell me that, Lisa's, again, we haven't talked about color code, but on that personality assessment color code, her primary, biggest piece of the problem-

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Which is also in the book.

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... is in the book. She's a white. Whites like inner peace and they don't like conflict or confrontation. Lisa, one of our house rules is when she gets up in the morning, when we wake up in the morning that first 45 minutes to an hour, she wants to not get into any real detail on anything. She wants to pretty much do her own coming into the world, if you will.

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Yeah, because you're in the welcome world. Okay, let's see where everything is. Let's make sure everything is right where I left it.

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Exactly. Got it. Exactly. But if she did not tell me that in the conversation of a house rule or a house agreement, I would never know. And I would be irritating her, thinking I'm doing good to move stuff forward.

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Right, we gotta get the day together.

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Right.

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You on the other hand,

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I gotta get this started. Right. We got lists, we got plans.

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Right.

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But I don't do that because I'm honoring her house rule.

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Nice. I like to process, I like to meditate, I like to pray. I like to get my intentions set for the day. And that's what I take that first hour to do. Sometimes it might be before I'm out of bed. Sometimes it might be half in bed and half in the bath. That when I'm coming around I'm just kind of unfolding and getting ready to start the day.

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Isn't that cool?

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But that's cool though because you were able to communicate it in a healthy way.

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100%.

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Keywords, communicate.

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And the reason why, Leah, what you just said is perfect. And it came from being in past relationships where we never had that conversation. Where there was no communication. I didn't know what the other person wanted. They didn't know what I wanted. We never talked about it. But we always expected the other one to just know what we wanted.

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It's funny that you say that because I think a lot of times, and I tell people, I read financial statements. I don't read mine. Tell me. Use your words. Use your words then let's talk about it and then let's come up with something. You know and again not a negotiate because well some things are well depends on what we're talking about. No some things are negotiable but but but your three for your house for your home that's that's

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fair that's more than fair. Well the reason why we make them non-negotiable because if you make them negotiable then the other person is going to be vying for something that they want or need in the situation but it's not about them. Your house agreement is about what you need.

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What we agreed upon.

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And what you want.

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And it's a funny thing is that, but what you wanted did not impose on him.

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Not at all.

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It just was what you wanted. This is what I need in order for me to start my day.

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I like knowing that so that I can deliver that. How can I deliver what I don't know?

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I love it. I love it. So we talk about love and relationships. Well Lisa, all this was leading to you to start to explain your take on the book. Just a brief summary about it. What do you think?

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Like a... jeez, where do I start? The brief summary of the book is pick up a copy, no matter where you're at, whether it's a colleague, whether it's a sibling, whether it's a spouse, a friend, this book, you know, it talks about love and relationships, but it's about all relationships and Pick up the book read a chapter. You don't have to go from one to to the end you whatever chapter Title inspires you just pick it up and read it and it's not one that you know You start chapter one and you got to go all the way to 13 any chapter in the book Wherever you open it is where you're meant to read for that day So wherever you open it, so and I love what she said about that.

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If you don't mind, I'd like to read just a little passage from her. I opened it up to this, said building relationship equity. And this one, this is just a summary point. It says the first summary point says building relationship equity with a friend or partner is similar to building a financial equity in your home, except it refers to people. As you add on, the value increases every interaction and every decision made related to that relationship is an opportunity to build understanding, trust, and respect. That's a summary point of what's in that chapter about building relationship equity.

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Well I don't know where I am but I just opened to a page that said turning a crisis into abundance. Oh yes. And why did I? I'm laughing at you. You said just opening a page.

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So that's good. So turning crisis into abundance. And I'm just going to read a little bit of it.

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It says, to transform a crisis, we must find ways to reduce and eliminate fear and stress. And when we talk about, I mean, fear and stress, because have you ever met those people that everything's a crisis? Yes. They wake up, it's a crisis. They go to bed, it's a crisis. They walk to, they go to the bathroom, it's a crisis. And I'm, and I just, I sit there and I'm like, I don't know how you live like that.

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Yeah, I totally agree.

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You've got to pray for those people.

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I 100% get what you say. Let us give you an example of turning a crisis into abundance. To your point, how do you live like that? Lisa was making a transition from corporate America on the advertising side, television, radio, outdoor broadcasting, mostly in television. I want to toss the ball to her. She's going to talk to you about turning that crisis into an abundance. She talks about starting all over again, which creates a crisis in many people's minds.

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So I retired from broadcasting. I felt like I went from hero to zero overnight and joined Just Talk probably 30 days after retiring. And he's putting these competitions together and this, you know, whoever makes it to hear

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it, a master plan.

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Okay.

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He said, what's going on with you?

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I said, well, you can just pick up the call, I mean, the phone and call anybody. You've got 12 years of experience with any client. I'm walking into Just Talk day one. I got nothing. I'm starting all over. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. She said, I'm starting all over again. It's not the same. It's not fair. And he said, no, you're starting again. You're bringing all of your gifts and talents to Just Talk. You still have all of your contacts. You still have all of your your best gifts and however you see those gifts utilized best with our company, that's what I want you to do. She said, I

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am starting all over again. And I said, no, you're just starting again. Don't see it like you're starting all over again with all the assets you've built. Everything that applies, bring them over. That's not all over again. That's starting again. She changed her mindset. What were you going to say?

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I'll bet there's plenty of people listening to you right now that feel like they're starting

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all over again. Starting all over again. But when you see it like you're starting all over again, it's very heavy. It's too much actually, because who wants to start all over again, again,

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and again, and again?

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That was a mic. But I can start again. Yes. I can start again and the reason why I can start again and I had to put it put in another context whenever I meet a new client. Yes. I'm starting again. Yes you are. Because I have to reintroduce them, teach them about how we do business. On boredom. And you're bringing those assets that you brought from multiple other clients. Yes. So we're having a conversation. Got it. And some of my talents are transferable. 100% her mindset Leah, her

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mindset flipped like a switch on a 15-minute walk. Tell them what happened once you got home. Well first off let me say she had four pages in the master plan and I told her on the walk we will tear those four pages up. You write down what you want to do in this company and that's the only thing you do. And we'll build from there. Because I came from sales and

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marketing, I went right to let me see the contracts that you have, let me see what rates you've had, how long your rates have been this low, because we're gonna triple those right away. And I came in and I disrupted his. She disrupted, she

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made the brother very uncomfortable. In a good way, in a good way, because it's hard to charge. Some people have a hard time charging what they're worth. Yes. And so they say that we've heard it said that the concept we have heard it said that you should charge more for the things that come easy to you. Because you're usually working harder to get to but you don't realize it. So least because of Lisa being part of the company, our rates are six times what they were when she first started. Six times Wow, at least he will come work with me.

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Can I get you?

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Can you come over? I mean, I need you. I got some contracts. I got some hourly price. Can you come over and just come look at us?

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You want me to now be your consultant?

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Yeah, I need you to be the consultant. You're not the first person to try to steal or sell.

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No, I'm not.

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No, no, no, no, no, no.

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Or borrow. Just for a little bit.

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Not a lot.

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And we realized we had no marketing one sheets. Like he's a speaker, do you have marketing one sheet so that we can sell him? Well, can you send me something?

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Can you tell me what he does?

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Somebody asked me for one a day.

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A one sheet.

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Someone asked me for one a day. I wrote something. I did, it was good. And when I sent it, they wanted to know about this show because we are talking to different entrepreneurs. And, but they wanted to know where they were coming and who we were. Sure. And I wrote it out. And I was like, woo woo, one sheet. But what if I just, what if I wasn't exposed to even know what one was?

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That's right.

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Or even knew how to write, because most of us write how we talk. Yes. And we don't take time to go. No. And knowing that, and one thing I can tell you guys about writing, do not get offended if it has to go through four or five edits.

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Oh, thank you.

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Do not get offended.

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Yeah, we know all about that, but it was nine edits.

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But the thing about that, but you get a superb product when it goes through. My son and love, my children were here. My son and love was working in DC, in federal government and he said the average I mean just memo goes through 20 edits yeah I believe it before it is sent out so don't get

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offended if you hand something you wrote something. Yeah but where were you 12 to 15 months ago when we needed you to say that to us cuz we we were dropped out talking to you every month. Tell her how exhausted we were. If she would have said to us that then, it would have actually helped.

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You want to know, but you know, if me and you would have even ventured into this, me and you probably would have had that conversation. I would have said, Jesse, you know, you got to get it edited. And you would have said, Lena, Jesse, you know, you have to have it because me and you always have, we always go back and forth. I think we counsel each other.

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Oh, a hundred percent.

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I think we do coaching of each other.

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A hundred percent.

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The thing, that was something that I learned years ago. Because I remember in college, and you learn it in college when you get that first English paper back. Right.

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That you turned in, because you took it in high school. All marked up with red and minus signs.

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Minus signs, and then you know, you got to put the comma in the wrong place. Right. You know how to use a semicolon and the verb to be. Oh my God, we just chop it all up.

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Well, when that first editor sent back the edit and it had 469 edits, and in Word where it's all these lines going like, I looked at it and I said, you're going to have to take this one because my mind doesn't even think that way.

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And furthermore, I was writing my own How You Leave Him Feeling book and I said, I'm

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not going to write anymore because that just really disempowered and unmotivated me to

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move forward.

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And they write it, but see, do editors write it? And you know how, okay, so remember diagramming sentences back in the day? Yeah. Do they edit like that? Yeah. I mean, I think they do. I mean, I think they do. I mean, I think they do. I mean, I think they do. I mean, I think they do. I mean, I think they do. I mean, I think they do. I mean, I think they do. I mean, I think they do.

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I mean, I think they do.

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I mean, I think they do.

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I mean, I think they do.

0:27:36
I mean, I think they do. I mean, I think they do. I mean, I think they do.

0:27:39
I mean, I think they do.

0:27:40
I mean, I think they do.

0:27:41
And you know how okay, so remember diagramming sentences that kind of thing yeah, do they edit like that like no It's like redlining where they'll put whatever and they'll draw a line to the point of time But there's so many edits sometimes that you get blended with the red lines So but to close on that because I know we're closing down here very shortly It's to your point about the don't be sweating that count and edit because after the eighth editor they sent it to us and they were I thought it's just gonna be you know just a few typos here and there maybe maybe seven or eight maybe well we sent it to the person who outside of the publishing company that edited the first book her name is Cher Weldon and she came back with 469 line item edits and corrections and I found 15 myself and that was in the final stages.

0:28:27
So what I can tell you guys is, you're always a work in process.

0:28:32
Always. And it's okay.

0:28:34
Do not get devastated by the process and don't let your analysis paralyze you.

0:28:39
That's right.

0:28:40
Analysis paralysis.

0:28:41
That's right. Keep moving. Keep moving. Well that ends our show.

0:28:45
I can talk to you guys forever and you guys know that. Thanks for having us on today.

0:28:48
Really appreciate it.

0:28:49
You are so very welcome. Well, you have been listening to the Let's Talk with Leah and Rhonda show. Hopefully, hey, Rhonda will be here with me next week, but I want to thank you both.

0:28:58
Thank you both.

0:28:59
I look forward to bringing you on. But one more time.

0:29:01
No, what's up, Rhonda?

0:29:02
How you doing, girl? How you doing, girl? But the book is on jestalk.com, www.jestalk, J-E-S-T-A-L-K.com. Look under resources. Well, just go to the page. They have amazing information all over the page. They have amazing information all over the page. Until next week Las Vegas, peace and blessings.

Transcribed with Cockatoo