Let's Talk with Leaha & Rhonda

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This is a que un the studio's original program. The following is a paid program sponsored by Crawford management group and smart time consultants. Please be advised that the voices and opinions you hear do not represent the views of 91.5 Jazz and more the University of Nevada Las Vegas or the Board of Regents of Nevada System of Higher Education.

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Hi, my name is Leah Crawford.

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And I'm Rhonda Nolan.

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And you're listening to the let's talk with Leah and Rhonda show for all the beautiful entrepreneurs

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out there. This is for you. Good morning. Las Vegas. Leah. How are you doing on this bright and shiny Saturday morning?

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It is beautiful. I am happy. Happy Memorial Day. Everyone is Memorial Day weekend. Don't have to work on Monday. And I'm working out all right. Oh, let me just tell you so this week we went to a track. Have you ever done hurdles? No. Okay. All right. So son in law's here, son in love had to my son, I call them my son in law because I actually love him. He was when he was younger. He was I don't know if he was in a Junior Olympics, or trained for the junior Junior Olympics as a track star track because he ran track. And he was probably the fourth fastest in the nation. I know I'm getting it wrong, and he's gonna correct me when he hears no Molly I was this because I'm gonna bring him on here. So he can tell him he had us doing hurdles. So you had to lift your leg up. And, and right, so five times each on each side? No. So he just didn't know he had us walking through. Okay, so lift your leg up. Lift your leg. Okay, over about maybe eight hurdles. And what I realized is that I you know, you know me I learned the easy way out. I just walk right. Walk around, and I didn't walk around because he did make sure that I went over with my leg but I would take my leg lifted up and swing it around. Oh rings off my chest. Hey, I'm on system. That worked for me. One of the best workouts I've ever had. Oh, yeah. Cuz you move in all the muscles because you're moving everything and you're supposed to go over the hurdle in a certain way because if you watch runners and he was showing me their bodies are leaned forward a little bit but their knees almost hit your chest. Next time you watch a runner watch that is because I like to carry Richardson Jakari Richardson and Hussein bolt. Remember, if you watch them, they're leaning forward a little bit in their knees are almost hitting their chest. Because it's the stride that makes them fast. And that's horrible. Well, I'm not trying to go fast. I'm just trying to get through this workout. Absolutely amazing. But having him here you know, he's just we're doing different stuff. So my peloton I haven't seen it as much this week,

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because you've been out in the fresh air, which is a good thing to be out to exercise out in the fresh air is super fantastic. And it's hot. Yeah.

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And that's what I told him. I said, you know what's hot outside? He was like, but that's cool for you that to help you you know what you're breathing and all that other stuff. I was like, okay, so you just want to kill? What time of morning? Do you start this press? So no, we go in the evening. So we are going in the evening? Because you know I am a morning workout person, right? But because he's working he works from home. They have to log on at me see if they have to be to work at nine they have to log on at 6am and my daughter same thing. They gotta be on a nice Yes. Log on at seven because their central and east coast time. Right. So they really can't do anything in the morning. Okay, even though I said I'll get up at four o'clock. I'm up anyway. Right? I would rather go then. Yeah, but they were like, no, let's just go in the evening. I was like, Okay, so when I leave work, I will meet you guys at the track. And then we can do it that way. That's wonderful. Yeah, we're going to do this night. I like that. Yeah, we're doing a transformation summer. They call it our transformation. Summer. All right. Yeah. So I'm hot yoga. I'm gonna be in the hot air.

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All right, so you can be ready for homecoming in October.

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Going home. Um, now. You notice.

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This is 100 year anniversary. I

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heard. I heard I've been hearing it. I've been hearing about you. I am. I will not I don't plan to be there. Okay. I don't plan to

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Oh, but then you have another event that weekend too. It's kind of important. Don't know the cluster. Good Neighbor cluster. Is it that same weekend? Oh, yeah. So you probably you may be at that represent an organization. That's

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true, too. So that might be I would love to go to the beach and why don't you want to we're gonna leave it up in the air and we'll talk about but anyway today. I want to tell you guys mental health is everything. And mental health. I know we talked about it briefly with other guests, but I wanted to find someone that that's what they do. That's what They do. Because we talk about our physical health. We talk about, you know, maybe even our financial health, our spiritual health, but our mental health, what is your mind saying to you? So I've worked with this woman in the past, and I just found out she is PhD or

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doctoral of marriage and family therapy,

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doctoral of marriage and family therapy. I want to welcome to our show. Dr. Donna Wilburn. Well

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thank you,

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doctor. How, first of all, I'm in a Ph. D. program now. Free Oh, hey, okay. We'll talk about how good it is. It is, it is definitely. This is more challenging than undergrad? Yeah, to me, the Ph. D. program.

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And almost it almost knocked me down. Like I almost didn't make almost

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didn't make it. That's what I write. For you why marriage and family counseling. So

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I have to I have to tell you like this goes way back to when I first started, so I take big ol breaks before between my degrees, right? So I got my bachelor's. Almost no, I started college in 83. Went for a year or two took a big ol break and had babies went back. And when I was I graduated, I don't know 98 Maybe. And when I was getting my master's, I wanted to help people I wanted to go into you know, psychology, social work something. Okay. And I'm, I'm in the same club you're in with most impact. Least effort? Yes. Right. Right. Right. So they I thought, like with a Master's, right, what can I do with a master's and it was either social work, or marriage and family therapy practice with a master's. And a mom, and I'm a family is really big to me and the family system and interaction. And I wanted to specifically help families, but I have to tell you, like my advisor was like, No, you can't make a living at that. Who's gonna, how are you going to do? How are you going to have a practice going on or whatever, that's too hard to social work. There's all kinds of jobs out there for social work and social works more community based, right. It's, it's, it's helping communities and resources and helping people find resources and things like that. And I'm like, I understand it. And I think there's a great use for that. But I'm really into that family. I'm Italian, Turkish, and like, every family is every bowl. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And I have like, 800 cousins. And, you know, I was like, No, it's that family is calling me and he's he really kind of tried to determine and I'm like, No, I'm, I really want to do it. And once I got in, I'm like, This is me. This is me. I want to help families and I want to, I feel like families are the foundation of the community. They are. Okay, so here's folks helping out the community like the social workers, but if you can have healthy families that benefits the community, Healthy Families, yeah. So going down to that route. down to that route, get that family healthy, get the parent interaction with the child and the children with each other and the parents with each other and get that healthy. Your whole community changes. Healthy. Yeah,

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families.

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I like it.

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I love it. So when's the book coming? Oh,

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right. You, me and you? Is that what we're doing?

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I gotta know what we need to we can do that. No. Because of financial health, family health. Because that's everything right? You Yeah, rock family, because no Rhonda has to go home because her mama said so. I

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do. Still family. Yes. Still about the family. Yeah. So

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you know, soon as I leave the station this morning, I have to hop on the flight and go directly to Detroit. My mother is turning 81 this weekend. And she demanded that I leave there and

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she's still your mom. That's right.

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That's right. So so that means I will have seen her twice this month. So I went home for Mother's Day. And now going back to was a beautiful thing. You know, there's

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no too much seeing your mama. Yeah, so I'm a grandma now too. Right? How does that what is that? Like guys? It's your present for raising children. It's your gift. It's like God said, thank you very much for raising your child. Here's your present. Like it's amazing. is so beyond amazing, isn't it? No. joke. I'm not even joking. So how old is the grandbaby? So if one who's 16 Okay, and then I have, that's with one son, I have two sons, a one who had a child, way back a little earlier than planned. Right? And then I have another son and he has two kids. One is a little boy who's four. And he has a little girl who's like a year and a half. And I can't even tell you you don't know love you think you know love his mom's like you think you you like, I love my baby so much. I do love them so much. When you have a grandbaby like beyond. Beyond I can see that because, as well,

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before we got on the show, I told you about my grandmother, and my grandmother. I was the she was the light of mine. And I'm sure I was the light of hers. But because my grandmother and I moved down here together, see that? My grandmother and yeah, yeah, my grandmother and I moved out here together, and I can't wait, I You got me. Let me I'm gonna have to go home and talk to my daughter. So what we're doing, I can't

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wait. You better let me know when that happens. Yes, I am going to want to celebrate for you. Yes,

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no, it is.

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I wouldn't discuss that with her right now. Just yet. You know how she is?

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Actually she's coming on here. I'm trying to get her on here one of these weekends so that she could talk about her program, and we'll talk about that later. But at no, I am. I am so looking forward to it.

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I can't Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Because I think you're going to embrace it. Like as much as I embrace it. And they say there was a meme out there. And it was like, you know why grandmas get so into it? Is they love their child so much. That when their child has a child like that, that means so much to them. And that's when you know someone loved being a mom. Is that person double loves being a grandma, you

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want to know what though, and I know some amazing grandmother's I know some I mean grandmothers They had two children more than than what the parents have seen that. I've seen that. But okay, so I'm gonna ask a hard question, because you do have you love them. But do you create the boundary? With how much? Because you love

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No, no, no, no, there's no boundaries. Okay, now, I am taking my grandma. It's whatever your little heart desires, I will make it happen for you. Spoiler alert, totally. And you know what? My kids have accepted that

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you will know what's so funny. Because we used to joke about when I first had kids, a group of girlfriends and we would watch our parents. And we would turn around and be like, who was this person? This is not the person that raised me. Right?

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I hear that. Oh, this.

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Can you go back and get the person that raised? Because if I would have touched anything in your house, the

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rules are relaxed. Friend, children come because as my mother had all of these rules, you can't do this. You can't do that. But for her grandchild. Oh, you can do whatever you want to just run through the house like a crazy person. Just touch everything. fingerprints on everything. Just you know, whatever you want to do. Oh, yeah, but for me.

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Oh, absolutely. Yeah. COVID test before you came.

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I did. I did. Oh my god was for her grandson. Oh, yeah, he can do no wrong.

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I hear that all the time. So this is what it's like. It's like parenting without the stress. So imagine all that worries you got in your head like make sure he's eaten make sure they're doing make sure they get imagine parenting with no stress. What that would be like vacation

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or vacations. Let me ask you this though. Mental Health. Do you? How does someone even know that they need to see a therapist? So

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this is what I tell people you're a human being you got tough days, days where you don't want to get out of bed days where you're like a grumpy but and you're just you know, Negative Nelly and okay, that that's, that's cool. You're human, it can happen. But if those days are turning into weeks, then then we got a problem. I usually say if it's a week straight of I can't get out of bed or I'm negative or I'm crying every day or whatever, you know, arguing angry, whatever it is, then then maybe get some help. And that's early like don't wait 10 years. Don't wait 20 years. Like that's hard to fix that

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you've been married. They say you've been married for 10 years. All right, so you've listened to the last talk with Leah and Rhonda show. I am Lea Crawford.

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I am Rhonda Nolan. And we have the lovely Dr. Donna Wellborn in the house with us today and we're talking about mental health for everyone, especially for a small business owners because we're caring so much. We're responsible for our team, you know, that works for us and we're responsible for our wives, husbands and children that are at home and it's a lot You know, we were thinking about, okay, yeah, we got to make the numbers because remember, I got to pay the mortgage. And then I got to pay, you know, for Sally to go to school and you know, so entrepreneurs today. Yeah, we got to eat every day, I got to feed the family every day, every household gone, but I gotta make this money over here. I gotta pay my team. And so entrepreneurs have a lot of

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stress. This sounds like the Barbie speech to me. We're supposed to do everything and be everything and, and look cute and nice while doing it. Right? Yeah, exactly.

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And make it look easy. Make it look, make it look easy. Let's say I'm amazing. I woke up like all right. So if you have, you're finding yourself not being able to function for a long period of time, maybe it's time to

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see your house. Yeah, I give it a week, two weeks, you don't have to wait till it's an emergency. To reach out and get some help. I tell people like you would go take your car to a mechanic, way sooner that you're taking yourself to the counselor. And all we are is like a mechanic for your emotional well being emotional well being. So why are you waiting until you know, for years, it's you wouldn't let your card go that

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long, right. And I know there are people who are married out there who their husbands are best friends or their kids. But it's always nice to have someone else outside of the family to talk to because you get a different perspective. Because people look at different things with different eyes, you know, and talk speaking to a professional if you've had some trauma or something in your childhood that you don't even know this affecting you and your adulthood, it would be great to speak to a professional about that. So you can work it out. So you can just make yourself a better you. App. I

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love it. But the funny thing is that when you go to therapy, you do all the talk, right? Just not me, not for me. I mean, they ask questions, right? You really get to dump. That's what I love about it, you really get we

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try to be good listeners. They try to be good listeners. And then your family. You know, sometimes they want to listen, sometimes they're busy. Sometimes you gotta stuff some, you know, but when you go into a therapists office, it's all about you, and they're ready to listen. And sometimes that feels really good

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because it does contact member number to get in contact with you 70223493251

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more time 702-234-9325 and I'm a texter. You are oh, I'm a texter. So you want to contact me feel free to text.

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Feel free to text? First visit? What have you found to be the hardest part for people for the I mean, even to come to you that first visit.

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It's kind of interesting, because even if it's not the first or later on, I hear this a lot is I don't know what I'm going to talk about. I don't know what to talk about. And I'm like, Oh, we will find things to talk about. So really, it's the therapists job to facilitate that. Because I have people coming and going, I talk about my feelings. I don't talk about things. And I'm like, Okay, so let's start talking. And pretty soon, halfway into the session. They're chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, you're like, Oh, you're talking just fine. You can talk and share just fine because sometimes it just takes that right environment or someone who's going to listen, like you said, without judgment, without like, criticizing you who's not going to get upset at what you're saying. And, and there, it's just starts to flow. It just the flow. I've had folks, the challenge. There's another challenge that comes in is people who have not been taught during their upbringing, because we're supposed to learn this, but not all parents know how to teach. This is why we do what we do. Why we why we do what we do. So they'll react to something they'll let's say, every time someone uses a particular word, it just makes them so angry. And I'm like, why? Cuz? And they're like, I don't know. I'm like, well think about it. What feeling is that when you hear that word, I don't know. Like, oh, goodness, this is going to be like starting with a baby. You don't know how to even identify what you're feeling and why you're feeling. Let's

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talk about that again. Because I think that is a lot of because I watch people throw a temper tantrum on adults. I'm like, so you just want the whole temper tantrum. You're not you don't know how to use your words.

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Right? I'm feeling what you're because why.

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But, but that's a valid point. Being able to identify the feelings properly or correctly. Because Is it fear? Is it anger? Is it anxiety? Was it her Is it her? Right? You know, because we can identify happy. But can we identify those other emotions?

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So you know how like, as parents, you're teaching your kids colors, and you're you see something that's red, and you pointed out and say red, and then they copy and they go red. And you go, good job. Okay? Red, blue, green, yellow, you're doing great. You're teaching your child how to identify these colors. We're supposed to teach them how to identify emotions, too. And go angry. This is angry. Are you feeling angry? Yes. And you tell me, I'm angry. If they say I'm angry, and you go, good job. Good job. And I'm angry, because that's the next level, right? I'm angry is you can teach a two year old how to say I'm angry, I'm sad. I'm scared, whatever. And then you go, because what just happened? And that's why. Okay,

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so normally what happens is, I'm angry, I act out, I'm gonna tear all the stuff up. Yeah, because I don't know talking happens, no talking happen. It's all action. And the action is what gets you in trouble. Because you're acting out the emotion. So

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we got when it comes to healthy families, right. So and this is one of the thing going back to the entrepreneurs. And I'm one, I'm in there. And I'm not a perfect parent, and I, you know, went through school and work and and all that while my kids were growing up, and I missed big chunks of opportunities, because I was working and going to school and my kids went in certain directions, because I wasn't there and talking to them at the time. And I'm a therapist. So if I can mess up, I think you can mess up, right? It's okay to mess. Okay. So as entrepreneurs talking about that balance, and then going back to Healthy Families, how do you have a healthy family, as an entrepreneur, when you got so much to do so much to work on? How Stuff Works stuff, taking care of yourself, like raising your child is one of those things still, you're still doing that? Yep. So balancing that out, if it's staying connected, really, it's staying connected and staying, making that time to talk to and connect with your child as well as your spouse, if you want to have a relationship, you're going to kind of need to do that, too. So when it when it comes to minutes, like hey,

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we just pass it there, you will know what.

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So when you're connecting with your child, and sometimes I, you know, I have a lot of our societies really big on, you know, working a lot and all that. And sometimes the kids don't get that connection time. Well, that's the time when we're talking about what are you feeling? And why are you feeling it? How was your day? What were you feeling? What was a tough time today? What was the easy time today? And why? And how did that make you feel? And that that's still supposed to be happening as an entrepreneur? You got to do it? Well,

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the thing about it is, is that why you entrepreneur, because one thing is your time, you get to manage your time a little bit differently, because you're not one set clock. So it's, that's the reason why I became an entrepreneur early on

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schedule,

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I had to Yeah,

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because you wanted to be there for your children. You know, it's when when, when you're a single parent, you know, raising a child is rough. It's hard. And so you have to have time to go to the schools and go to the practices and do all that stuff. And if you're at a traditional nine to five is hard to do. But if you are entrepreneur, and you're in a position where you can, you know, look at your schedule, and make time to do all those things and do your work. You're in a better position. Of course, I

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scheduled us here, and I see your schedule. And they understand like during the school year, well before he was able to walk home. Two o'clock, I'm about 130 I'm done. I'm done. What are you going to do? I mean, I can do stuff from home. Because now with the paid, I'll tell you a teenager, he doesn't talk to me anyway. But five minutes in the car. But he's off doing his own, but he knows I mean, and we work on that. And it's not all and you're right. It's not always perfect, but we always were always working on it. And

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that's funny that you said like you get the five minutes in the car. So I'm a grandma and my oldest granddaughter is a teenager, and I was the Uber services. Oh yeah. Your chauffeur pick her up from school, take her to swim, pick her up swim, take her to take her to home, you know, like I'm not as Uber services. And I multitask. You take that time you connect you how's your day? What's going on? Talk to me. What happened? What was the hard part? What was the easy part? Like, get them talking because if you have to multitask as an entrepreneur because that's me too. I'm making my own schedule. I am swing shift therapist, making my own schedule, and it worked out and you can still connect and you can find that time You can multitask and do what you need to do.

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You know, I, I really, I really appreciate that. And I hope our listeners are really grasping that that you want to ask parents as grandparents, emotions, you just want to start to talk about it's healthy to talk about your emotions. It's okay to be angry. Yeah,

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it's crucial to talk about emotions and role model. How to stay connected to yourself, What am I feeling and why am I feeling?

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Why am I feeling what am I feeling? And why am I this the why they're probably against you why? Because the Y will make you look to see how you are how you're viewing something. It makes you look in the mirror. That's a whole nother issue. That's

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a whole nother thing I can be honest about why am I doing it

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honest about why I am feeling this. I am upset because I did not get that promotion. Somebody else I trained got that promotion. So I am upset, right? But being able to say that out loud. So you can start working on it. Identifying the issue so you can do the right work. So

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you're not lying to yourself. And then you look at what am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? Is this how I want to handle it? Okay, this is evolving. I don't even think they get to the third question. Yeah, now, we don't we don't have a lot of people out there going, like, look at how you're handling it. And this is Donald landscape. Everything's in like little memes. It's my handle it like a champ or a chump. I like I didn't get that promotion. I'm upset. Why? Because I wanted it and I'm disappointed and I'm hurt. And how am I going to handle it like a champ or a chump? Huh, like a throw fit about it? Or am I gonna go you know what, and do the job to the other person, I'm going to go improve.

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And I'm going to support the other person that got the position.

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But first, we have to realize why we didn't get it. Because we always blame somebody else. Oh, well, she didn't give it to me because she likes her better and better. Maybe, maybe not. Right? Maybe you need to grow a little bit more so that you can do the job. Use

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it to learn and grow. use that experience to learn and grow. Look, how can I use this to improve? Right? Yeah.

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How can I use this to improve? Well, Donna, this brings us to the end of our show. And I want to tell you, thank you. Thank you for for Thank you for listening to the show. Yes, I think that's how we reconnected. Yeah. And she just called say good show. And I was like, Oh wow, you want to come on? And she's like, sure. I was like okay, well make the arrangements. I was

Unknown Speaker 27:48
so proud. I heard your voice and I'm like, I know that lady. Look at what she's doing. So proud of her. Thank

Unknown Speaker 27:54
you. Thank you. Well download Donna again. Thank you. You know, Rhonda and I think we're on year we hit our 100th show we did we hit? Oh, thank you. As you know, we have the most amazing engineer, Mr. West knight who works with us to make sure to make the show a success. So Rhonda, we didn't get a chance to your announcement.

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That's okay. But I want to go back to Dr. Wellborn. Dr. Wellborn can be visited at HTTPS semicolon backslash backslash, Dr. Donna wellborn.com and as Dr. donnawilburn.com and

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the number is 70223493257022349325. All right, thank

Unknown Speaker 28:45
you. Very welcome. Let's so next

Unknown Speaker 28:50
week, Las Vegas. Have a fantastic Memorial Day weekend. Be safe, and we'll see you next week. All right. Bye.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai